OK so clearly I fell off it. And I suck

I don't know why this has to be so hard.  When I am 'on it' and taking care of myself, I feel FANTASTIC!  I feel thinner almost immediately (less bloated I would imagine).  I never feel deprived because I always work snacks and treats into my daily calories, and I just plain feel good.

The "something" happens.  This past week it was the fact that I had to start getting up an hour earlier to rush and get Jessi to Field Hockey practice.  I think have to rush home from work and take her back to practice (they have double sessions), then I have to pick her up again an hour-and-a-half later.  So what do I feel the need to do in my short hour of waiting to go back and get her??  Well eat a whole bag of Pirate's Booty of course.  Why do I do that???  I think I resent running around like a chicken with my head cut off... plus I am TIRED from getting used to getting up earlier... but why does that have to equal "eat a whole bag of something"???????  Because it always does, and it always has.  And the kicker is that I KNOW EXACTLY what I am doing and why, and still choose to do it anyway.  WHY!???

Well, I guess if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be fat.

Oh how the mighty have fallen

I fell off it.  I fell hard.  Last weekend I got a raging eye infection and I was MISERABLE.  So... as I so often do, I ate my feelings and I got lazy and complacent... and then stayed in that 'eating and lazy space' all week long.

Tomorrow I am starting full-on training for my 5k.  I can't slack anymore!!  I am going to get up and run every other day before work.  It's SO HARD to do this because I would much rather snuggle with my honey.  My favorite part of the day is the morning half-asleep snuggles before starting the day... but he does live here now, so I really have no excuse anymore.  My old excuse was that I have to covet the time we have together since we lived in separate houses.

So tomorrow...  ON IT!  I will NOT give up!!

This is hard. And yes... That's what she said.

Being an emotional eater sucks. Being an emotional eater at "that time the month" when you are highly emotional anyway and have cravings for things like cheez-it's and sugar cereal and sour patch kids and Ben and Jerry's coffee Heath bar crunch sucks extra super hard. Being an emotional eater when you are chomping at the bit for the love-of-your-life to move in with you and it's just days away... But it's not here yet and tonight you are alone... Extra alone because your kids are at their Dad's house... Extra extra super sucks.

I came home and ate half a box of cheez it's and then attacked a box of frosted flakes. I went over my calories by 263. Damn. I was then feeling my typical "oh well this day is blown, I may as well eat whatever." I was also trying to talk myself into going out for a walk or a run but feeling very lazy and tired...another of those wonderful things about pms ;-). As I sat here arguing with myself.... Enter Butters (my brother's dog)whining and dancing around wanting to go out... WELL... If I have to take him out anyway... I may as well take the little jerk for a nice long walk and cancel out my emotional binge!! So I took a 361 calorie walk and now have 97 left!! YAY ME!

I wrote this blog tonight to help me to not come home and ruin my success. Not gonna lie... I did have a brief moment of... "Well I already was over before and resigned myself to it... Maybe I should go for the sour patch kids in the name of pms...."

Not. Gonna. Do. It!!!!!

Over.... but it's all good ;-)

So I went over calories yesterday.  In the past I would have said that  "I fell of it" ...but I didn't fall off anything.  I ate a cupcake... and maybe some additional frosting (which in my journal I just counted as another cupcake) while baking a school project with Jessi and still chose to have my snackies of frosted flakes and cheez-its while watching TV.  That's life.  It happens.  And in the grand scheme of things... I am still under since so many days I have come short of my calorie goal.  Still killing it.  Still "on it."

KILL...ING... IT!!

I am so proud of myself!!  I am freaking killing it!  I even had a "planned cheat day" and when I looked back at my calories for the week, I was still under my weekly calorie budget.

Stuff I have done to kill it...

• Went way out of my comfort zone and ordered swordfish with cucumber lime salsa when I went out to dinner with the girls Friday night.  I have always been all "I have to eat bad food in order to have fun out at dinner" in the past.  Guess what!?  I STILL had fun, AND I tried a new food and it was BEYOND delicious!!!
• I have exercised almost every day and yesterday got back to lifting with Lonnie.  I am so sore today and I love that feeling.
• I read this AWESOME blog post on My Fitness Pal called "Why you should stop "working out" and start training" and it really resonated with me.  I am now officially IN TRAINING for my 5k in August!!
• As part of my training I st
  
  arted running again using a 5k program on my phone. (I use the runmeter app)   YAY FOR RUNNING!!
• I have used My Fitness Pal app EVERY DAY!
• I have made myself delicious and PRETTY food and have enjoyed every bite and sip!! 

Day 2 ---Yay!!

Another successful day under my soon-to-be-shrinking belt!  Jessi is on board with me and that is so awesome to have everyone in the family ON IT and eating right and exercising!  I haven't struggled much at all yet or been tempted.  Last night I had a little bag of cheez-its and focused on eating ONE AT A TIME as to my former 2-4 at a time, and really just enjoying each one and making my snack last.  It worked like a charm!

Great Day 1!!!!!

I ate great!  I exercised!  I didn't feel deprived!  I felt like something sweet and had an apple.  Then later for a sweet snack I had almond milk/chia see pudding, which I LOVE!  I use 2T of chia seeds and 1/2 cup of sweetened almond milk, let it sit for about an hour or 2 in the fridge and enjoy!  If you like it to be more like tapioca, you can let it sit longer, I like the seeds to still have a little crunch inside.

Dinner!

Day One.

This photo was taken July 4th 2012.  This girl was ON IT!  She was a runner.  She ate within her calories 90% of the time.  She felt great in her clothes.  

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  I have been on a bad spiral of food and sloth for several months now and that is NOT how I want to live my life.  My spiral has also affected my kids now, as they too have gained weight and that is not fair.  It's my job to teach them how to live as adults.  I should be teaching them that healthy eating 90% of the time is important.  I should be teaching them that exercise is part of everyday life, not just when you are "on it."  There should be no... "on it."  That should be what life just IS.  Always ON IT.  Always taking care of yourself.

I went to a hoarding seminar Friday and one of the things I took away from it was when he said that the average person brings in 2-5 items into their home every couple weeks or so... and then discards just as many.  A hoarder can bring in 75 items, and discard maybe 2, if that.  That got me thinking about my weight and eating.  I am a food hoarder.  I don't hoard food in my house...  I hoard it in my body.  I take in far more than I need or use.

Another interesting factoid that he threw out there was that almost all hoarders are obese or overweight.  Coincidence?  I think not.

I am going to use this blog daily as my tool to guide my journey as a place to put my thoughts and food diaries and exercise logs.  I don't want to clutter up my personal blog with this stuff

... maybe someday I will figure out how to combine them with tabs or something.

This is me today.  This girl is lazy.  She eats crappy, high calorie foods all the time, is "on it" for a few days and then falls "off it" and ruins any progress she has made... and then some.  This girl has 2 pairs of pants that she can wear and even those are super tight.  She can't wear any of the super cute clothes that she bought last year when she was the other girl.