Days 6 and 7

OOPS  I didn't journal yesterday!

But fear not. This I haven't quit or fallen off the wagon or anything.  I was just BUSY!!!  Busy NOT going to the gym as planned. And it's football day today, so it's not happening today either :)

After a loooooooong day of visiting with family and then shopping.  I made DELICIOUS chicken bowls.  We had planned on going to Chipotle, but the mall area was crazy and we were all beat. So I turned my kitchen into an even better Chipotle!  SO GOOD!!!! 

Today is football food day. We have the stuff to make veggies and dip and coconut shrimp, and I am getting hungry just thinking about it!!!

Maybe I will have a piece of the delicious frittata that Lonnie made yesterday to tie me over :)  BTW.... FRITTATAS ARE SO INTO THE ROTATION!!

Day 5

SLEEPY! 

I have had probably the WORST work week I have had since becoming a crisis worker, but yet, I woke up today from sleeping after yet another  up-all-night shift feeling fantastic. I feel lighter, have more energy, and feel more mentally in control of things.  LOVES IT!

I went into my shift prepared and armed with a snack of rendered pepperoni chips and cheese.  I actually didn't get a headache like I usually do on night shifts.  Did still have nausea when the hardcore sleep deprivation kicked in.

Still haven't made it to the gym and that is driving me bonkers.  Couldn't have gone today anyway because they closed early and I had to sleep.  Lonnie and I plan to go tomorrow.  That place will be a shit show with all the New Year's Resolutioners!

Fun low carb research today!  Football snacks....

http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/lowcarbholidaymenus/a/locarbsuperbowl.htm

I think we are going with coconut shrimp and veggies and dip.  CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!

I also found this that I can't wait to make and eat for breakfast every morning this week!!!  We also want to try turning spinach artichoke dip into a frittata!  YUM!

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/47044/spinach-and-potato-frittata/

Now off to research some low carb cocktails.......

Day 4 --Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

Got some inspiration from a friend and co-worker today.  She was on a strict low-carb diet (Not what I do, I eat all whole foods.) for 8 months until just recently when she wasn't feeling well and could only stomach crackers.  She laughed and said that she also used it as an excuse to completely fall off the wagon for the past 2 weeks.  My kind of people!  ;-)  We talked about how much better we feel when watching the carbs and in trying to talk her back into it, got me all fired up about it too!

I know it's only day 4, but today, on day 4, I am wearing jeans that were a tad on the painful side a couple weeks ago.  Jeans that I could wear to work, but that I could not WAIT to strip off the second I got home.  I have been wearing them all day today :)

Struggles:

Got up late and didn't have time to eat before rushing out to my weekly staff meeting.  Got a sugar-free iced coffee at McDonald's.  This was a bad choice because a. We all know Mcdonald's is a trigger for me b. I was hungry! c. I love me some egg mcmuffins!  d. When I have McD's iced coffee with nothing else,  I get a little sick to my stomach.   So I sucked down my coffee during my staff meeting and lived with a tummy-ache and yucky taste in my mouth until after my meeting when I pulled into Irving on 2 wheels to get a fountain soda. 

I can feel that I am going to need to start branching out from my steaks and salads soon.  I love love love them, but I don't want to get bored with this.

What have we learned today?

HAVE EASY HANDY BREAKFAST THINGS READY!!!!!!!!!

What else is helping me to stay on track?  

VACATION PLANNING, including looking at new swimsuits and summer dresses for the trip at https://www.swimsuitsforall.com  I am LOVING this site and

wish I found it ages ago... adorable, sexy fat chick bathsuits, YES PLEASE!!

Day 3 -Winter Zombieland

Winter Zombie

It was a cold and blizzardy day yesterday. Got around 8 inches.... and it snowed too!!

I never did make it to the gym.  Then I got called to do an awake overnight shift at the children's crisis unit.  UGH.  I did not bring any snacks with me as I was in a rush to get out the door, I probably couldn't have eaten anyway, overnight shifts when I have to stay awake all night make me sick to my stomach and get raging headaches.

I DID make a responsible choice when I got home though and had a protein-filled small breakfast before hitting the sack.

As I was only able to sleep til around noon, I skipped the gym again today as I am a bit on the zombie side.  I definitely could have gone.  But I didn't.  I just HATE going out in the cold, trudging through the snow, warming up the car, scraping the car, and then getting back into the freezing car after the gym.  I realize this is a ridiculous excuse.

I DID, however, stick to watching the carbs and didn't eat through the rollercoaster of emotions I have ridden since last evening; exhaustion, frustration, annoyance, anger, boredom, not feeling well, trying to stay awake......

So.... still winning!

I read the most ANNOYING thing on Facebook yesterday that let me doubt myself for a few seconds....

If you want to finish it, you can click it.

I have thought about this a lot today, yesterday, a year ago..... really ever since I read those books about emotional eating.  *Click here to read a few of my blogs I wrote while I was focused on this topic.

I completely agree with the basic I idea of that post.  However, if I don't control the shit I am eating by dieting, and making a conscious effort to avoid foods that trigger binges and cravings, I am NOT taking care of myself.  And I want to feel good.  Look good.  Be able to do all the fitnessy, activityish stuff that I love to do.

So there.  Screw you lady who is telling me that I am doing a stupid thing.  Screw. you.

Day 2 - The headache has arrived!

Breakfast: Green Beans, chicken, little bits of bacon. YES PLEASE

I woke up this morning with a rager of a headache.  I know this headache well.... it's my body screaming, "WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL MY SUGAR!!!!!!??????  I LOVE THAT SHIT!!!!  GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!"  I ALSO woke up this morning feeling physically 'empty' and flatter.  Losing water and bloat, I assume.  I LOVE this feeling.  It feels like success and that screams MUCH louder than the headache!

Day 1 was a resounding success!!  I worked a 14 hour shift and felt the pangs of temptation a few times.  It was a looooong, annoying day, as I was assigned to a task that I do not enjoy because the usual person who does it and likes is it on vacation.  The worst part of the day was lunchtime.  It was FREEZING and blustery yesterday, and I dreaded the thought of getting out of the car to go into the grocery store salad bar.  I longed to stay in my warm, cozy car drive through my favorite McDonald's and nosh on a yummy "Number 2 with the cheeseburgers plain and a diet coke."  But I didn't!  I braved the cold, got my salad, and it was delicious!  I think it helped that I had a filling. hearty breakfast, so I wasn't ready to eat my arm off when I was able to break for lunch (We don't have set 'lunch breaks.'  We take it when we can get it).

Oddly enough I am listening to Dr Laura right now and someone has called because she is 100lbs overweight and wants to be able to lose weight to manage her diabetes and have a baby.  She talked about her cravings and her battle/struggle with weight loss and Dr Laura finally stopped her and said;
"For you, feeling good in the moment takes priority.  It's a choice."  Story. of. my. life.  And not even with just food.  I do what I want, when I want.  If I don't feel like doing something, I don't do it. (Well except for at work, of course! I love my job and I work with high caliber people who are awesome at their jobs and that shit is contagious!)

She then had the lady take out a chocolate bar and break off a piece and say out loud;
"I can choose you.  Or I can choose to lose 100 pounds.  I choose you."  then she had her eat the chocolate.  She went through this several times.

I am SO going to do this! 

Today's challenges:

• We are midst snowstorm.  Fortunately I knew it was coming and shopped yesterday to prepare, but there is something about being snowed in that makes you want treats.  I'll be fine though.  I'm still early enough in the diet that it's still exciting and new and I love eating the stuff!
• I'm covering the overnight shift tonight for the vacationing co-worker.  Still not sure how I am going to handle overnight shifts.  I guess if I get called out, I will bring a snack?
• I had gym plans today... but not sure that will happen in the storm. SO... if I don't go to the gym there is NO reason that that I can't exercise here at home.  None!

Since this blog is just sitting here unused.... DAY ONE

...and I was trying to think of a way to journal through this new endeavor, why not use it!?

I'd like a little less belly and little less face please :)

Today I am starting yet another diet.   Screw all you "don't diet, change your lifestyle people."  That is totally just something you say when you don't want to admit you are on a diet.  Also... dieting IS changing your lifestyle.  Currently my lifestyle is eating McDonald's and chips and chex mix and well... whatever the hell I feel like eating when I am hungry, bored, tired, stressed, annoyed, upset, or see a commercial for something yummy.  My lifestyle is also mostly sitting and sleeping with brief, occasional spurts of exercise.

SO... "changing my lifestyle" means from today until I leave for Mexico on February 5th, I am going to live a different "lifestyle."   I am going to use air-quotes a lot.  I am going to eat only meats and veggies, and some cheese.  I am not going to give up my full-of-artificial-sweetener daily morning iced coffee.  BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO!  I am going to hit the gym often and hard.  I am going to focus on weight lifting AND getting back up to running.  It may be unrealistic to think I will be able to live up to my daydream of getting up early to go for a jog through Cozumel before the cruise ships have debarked and everyone is still sleeping, but I can CERTAINLY go for a jog/walk.... and maybe even mostly a jog!


Tricky areas and plan of attack:

My job.

I work 12-14 hour shifts on Monday and Tuesday every week.  Then I work 8pm to 8am Thursday nights.  I use my job as an excuse to eat McDonald's because I fucking LOVE their plain cheeseburgers and fries.  So good.  Judge away... I don't care.  I realize that for most people McD's is something they eat because they need to grab something and go.  I actually LOOK FORWARD to Mondays and Tuesdays because I know I get to have McDonald's if I get called out.

Night shifts are an issue as well.  Sometimes I just get to sleep and they don't disrupt life at all.  Sometimes I am out all night and I never know what to eat or not eat.  Part of me feels like I shouldn't eat anything because I normally wouldn't if I was sleeping, but the other part of me gets HAAAAANGRY!!  And also when I get home and go to sleep, I have trouble sleeping long enough if I am hungry.

PLAN OF ATTACK:

• BREAKFAST- I will eat SOMETHING before I head out the door in the morning
• If I can go to McDonalds, I can ALSO go to the grocery store and grab things that aren't McDonald's.  I can't even think of a McDonald's that isn't within a mile of a grocery store.
• I will try to pack stuff.  This one is kind of a pipe dream.  I suck at this and because of the way my job is, it's hard to even know what to pack.  Sometimes I am on the road all day.  Sometimes I am in hospitals.  Sometimes I am home.  Usually it's a mix of all of them.  

And.... as I type this.... I get paged....  

OK so clearly I fell off it. And I suck

I don't know why this has to be so hard.  When I am 'on it' and taking care of myself, I feel FANTASTIC!  I feel thinner almost immediately (less bloated I would imagine).  I never feel deprived because I always work snacks and treats into my daily calories, and I just plain feel good.

The "something" happens.  This past week it was the fact that I had to start getting up an hour earlier to rush and get Jessi to Field Hockey practice.  I think have to rush home from work and take her back to practice (they have double sessions), then I have to pick her up again an hour-and-a-half later.  So what do I feel the need to do in my short hour of waiting to go back and get her??  Well eat a whole bag of Pirate's Booty of course.  Why do I do that???  I think I resent running around like a chicken with my head cut off... plus I am TIRED from getting used to getting up earlier... but why does that have to equal "eat a whole bag of something"???????  Because it always does, and it always has.  And the kicker is that I KNOW EXACTLY what I am doing and why, and still choose to do it anyway.  WHY!???

Well, I guess if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be fat.