This Birthday girl didn't eat no cake

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar.  But not this time!  I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin'! 

I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM!  I didn't even want it.  I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it.  Yes it felt weird.  No I didn't feel like I was missing out.  Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl.  (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called 'Paleo Takeout' and I learned that there is considerable evidence that white rice is actually NOT the devil that we think it is.  And since I like that information, I am going with it!)  Starting out my 42nd year on earth in this way really feels symbolic, like this is my year. This is the year I get my shit together and shed some serious poundage.  When I finally get that exercise component into play LOOK OUT WORLD!


 

 

 

We're back, baby!

Haha what a terrible pic

Just wrapped up day 2 of no sugar!  It feels SO satisfying to be back on track.  We were off the rails hard, and I felt completely out of control.  Last time we did this, Lonnie was completely on board and supportive, but he struggled because he was really doing it as a 'solidarity' type of thing.  On Sunday,  he decided to watch the movie "Fed Up" and then we watched "That Sugar Film" together.  I could never convince him to watch it last time because one of his pet peeves is my love of reading articles and watching movies that result in my wanting to change our entire lives ;-) 

The two movies together were more than enough to inspire us to kick the sugar bullshit and start feeling great again!

My toughest days are Monday and Tuesday as I am busy busy busy with work, and now grad school stuff now on top of that, but I made it through like a champ with NO EXCUSES!!

Hello? Anyone there?

Remember when I said that when coming back from vacation it would be hard to get back "on it."  Holy Shit-- has is ever!??

I'm a mess.


I can blame that I just started grad school.
I can blame that my work schedule has just changed.
I can blame... well... it's winter.... it's this... it's that..... blah blah blah

None of those excuses are actual things that have prevented me from eating well.  None of them.  What HAS prevented me from eating well.  I don't want to.  I don't feel like it. I don't want to plan.  I don't want o grocery shop

I feel gross.  I feel bloaty and fat and my clothes feel tight.  Lonnie has gained weight too, and because he only gains weight in his belly, it shows quickly and makes him feel gross.  We need to get our shit together.  ASAP.

How do you get that driven feeling back once it disappears!!??  I don't even want to grocery shop for the "good healthy foods" because well.... probably because part of me knows that I am just going to waste it and part of me knows that if I buy it, then I should get back on it and I DON'T WANNA!!

HOME!

Today as I slid on my jeans for work...  I was actually planning on probably having to slide them back off again because they were too tight.   NOPE!  If anything,  they were looser!  As planned,  while in Mexico,  I ate and drank everything I wanted to.  Fortunately,  that is a LOT of great fresh Mexican food!  I never really eat junk food in Mexico because it's all just weird stuff.   Even if I am feeling snacky,  and go into a corner store,  I almost always come out empty handed because 1. I don't know what anything is and 2. None of it looks appetizing to me. 

My downfall was traveling home.  I am VERY CAREFUL about what I eat around plane trips for fear of a repeat of the puking incident,  but once we got back in Boston ...and ended up stranded there for 2 days (thank you American Airlines for losing the one bag with our car keys in it).  I must admit,  all bets were off. A combo of emotions and "let's eat all the bad stuff before getting back on it Monday, " led to a weekend of debauchery. 

• There was Pirate's Booty

• There was a mini Ben and Jerry's cookie dough cup

• There were cheez its

• There was chinese take-out

• There was Carrabas bread and lobster ravioli (with the insides squished out because it was nasty)

• There were egg Mcmuffins
• 
  And last night when we got home...  I had a "last meal" of pancakes.

My only saving grace was that it was all vending machine food,  so all small bags ;-)

Back to it today.   Fought a lot of urges to make cupcakes and eat bad food because I have a nasty cold and feel like shit.   But I didn't.  I made  delicious salad (I actually missed salad and craved it in Mexico!),  and Lonnie made a wonderful Pezole soup that was JUST what the doctor ordered for my cold.

I did have an egg Mcmuffin for breakfast because I overslept and then had to rush off to work.   But there are certainly worse things,  and I didn't let it make me think the whole day was ruined.

Fake Sugar and vacation countdown!

Well... this week's 'iced coffee selfie that illustrates nothing' actually does illustrate something.  Don't wear this shirt and a sports bra that smashes the boobies.  I look like a blob.

Last week I had been thinking that by this week I would not have that iced coffee in my hand and would be off artificial sweeteners.  I am not.  Not even a little.  I am trying to be more mindful about it and make a least a few choices here and there that don't involve that garbage.  I didn't have any diet soda at all yesterday,  and I drank a cup of tea with no real or fake sugar in it at all, and actually enjoyed it!

We leave on Friday for our vacation and I feel awesome that I have been able to stick to this the whole time!!  I do wish I had exercised more and was in better running shape, but, oh well... it is what it is.

The big test now is coming HOME from vacation and staying attached to this new lifestyle.  I am actually not worried about the vacation itself.  The food in Mexico is all real. actual food, and we don't eat crap down there anyway.  We DO, however, drink lots of sugary margaritas, and I have NO plans to skimp on those!  ;-)  I never gain weight on vacation though, we are SO active- walking-swimming-snorkeling-biking-hiking-ziplining-parasailing....... that it all evens out.  The tricky parts are the travel days.  I think my Cinnabon experience will help me stay on track as eating shitty food while traveling does NOT work for me, or anyone around me ;-)

Days 28 and 29

Need to stop this day counting thing soon, it's confusing as hell!

NO time yesterday to blog or take my weekly 'useless-does-not-illustrate-anything-at-all iced coffee selfie' ;-)  I actually got called in to work before I even got out of bed!!  I DID manage to hork down leftover chicken with guac from Sunday nights dinner though, so was able to start a crazy day off right!  It felt good to make myself a priority and not just throw everything out the window and eat shitty food because I am overwhelmed and busy.

I was on the road all day, and did not have time or inclination to pack a lunch, so when I finally had a second to breath, I ran into a grocery store deep in the woods of Greenville, Maine, picked up a cheese stick, a bag of macadamia nuts (YUM!!!  Hadn't had those in FOREVER!!!), and a yellow pepper and munched my way back to civilization.  Again.... feeling AWESOME that I am not using the hectic-ness of my job as an excuse to derail.  I even stopped at McDonald's for a sugar-free iced coffee, and didn't even think about my once-coveted "#2-cheesburgers plain!"

Day 16 and 17- It's getting hard to keep track of the days!

...probably  doesn't help when I do these two for 1 bloggys.

Still plugging along.  Last night we went out to dinner and Lonnie and I both sucked it up and stayed on it and were WAY high maintenance.  But I think we were nice enough, and gave a good enough tip that hopefully the waitress won't quit when she sees us walk in next time :)  Lonnie got sizzlin' fajitas with lettuce instead of tortillas to wrap them in, and I got a bunless burger and grilled asparagus.  It was all delicious, we had a great time, and didn't end our day feeling like we cheated or failed.  YAY US!

Lazy, Cozy, I DON'T WANNA GET OUT OF BED selfie

Where I am still struggling is the gym part.  It's SO. BITTERLY. COLD! I just can't bring myself to get dressed and to the the gym and then come out afterwards either sweaty or freshly showered---either way DOUBLE FROZEN!  I realize it's a stupid excuse.  But it's real.  And you know I love keepin' it real. Also Lonnie and I are FANTASTIC at both encouraging and discourging each other from everything ...lol!

Day 3 -Winter Zombieland

Winter Zombie

It was a cold and blizzardy day yesterday. Got around 8 inches.... and it snowed too!!

I never did make it to the gym.  Then I got called to do an awake overnight shift at the children's crisis unit.  UGH.  I did not bring any snacks with me as I was in a rush to get out the door, I probably couldn't have eaten anyway, overnight shifts when I have to stay awake all night make me sick to my stomach and get raging headaches.

I DID make a responsible choice when I got home though and had a protein-filled small breakfast before hitting the sack.

As I was only able to sleep til around noon, I skipped the gym again today as I am a bit on the zombie side.  I definitely could have gone.  But I didn't.  I just HATE going out in the cold, trudging through the snow, warming up the car, scraping the car, and then getting back into the freezing car after the gym.  I realize this is a ridiculous excuse.

I DID, however, stick to watching the carbs and didn't eat through the rollercoaster of emotions I have ridden since last evening; exhaustion, frustration, annoyance, anger, boredom, not feeling well, trying to stay awake......

So.... still winning!

I read the most ANNOYING thing on Facebook yesterday that let me doubt myself for a few seconds....

If you want to finish it, you can click it.

I have thought about this a lot today, yesterday, a year ago..... really ever since I read those books about emotional eating.  *Click here to read a few of my blogs I wrote while I was focused on this topic.

I completely agree with the basic I idea of that post.  However, if I don't control the shit I am eating by dieting, and making a conscious effort to avoid foods that trigger binges and cravings, I am NOT taking care of myself.  And I want to feel good.  Look good.  Be able to do all the fitnessy, activityish stuff that I love to do.

So there.  Screw you lady who is telling me that I am doing a stupid thing.  Screw. you.