The Bunny Lost

Weekly coffee selfie... new diningroom location!

It was a long day but I made it through.  Lonnie and I both came close to giving in when Sean came home with so, so much candy and was like a crack dealer trying to share it with us.  But we stood strong.   I kept thinking, "Well it's not like I am not going to have sugar at some point, why not on a holiday?"  and wondering if perhaps this torturing myself was just hollowing out a hole in my brain and I am eventually just going to go batshit crazy and EAT ALL THE THINGS to attempt to fill it up.  the funny thing is, at one point Lonnie said, "Just go ahead, pick like 4 pieces and keep it to that." 

1. :::insert spoiled voice::: I don't WANT 4 stupid pieces.  I want 104.
2. I couldn't even think of which 4 I would choose, honestly, none of them appealed to me-- which told me that it wasn't really the candy itself that I wanted, it was Veruca (that spoiled little girl!), being told no and throwing a tantrum.
3. :::alert--this is the twisted one::: I spend a good part of the day bitching and pouting and threatening to eat the candy to Lonnie.  It wasn't til the evening when he caught on to my shenanigans, had had enough, and finally said, "Go ahead.  Eat whatever you want, but I am not going to." The wanting was instantly gone because I wasn't getting the negative attention from him anymore.

New Mantra:

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD!!

This Birthday girl didn't eat no cake

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar.  But not this time!  I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin'! 

I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM!  I didn't even want it.  I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it.  Yes it felt weird.  No I didn't feel like I was missing out.  Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl.  (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called 'Paleo Takeout' and I learned that there is considerable evidence that white rice is actually NOT the devil that we think it is.  And since I like that information, I am going with it!)  Starting out my 42nd year on earth in this way really feels symbolic, like this is my year. This is the year I get my shit together and shed some serious poundage.  When I finally get that exercise component into play LOOK OUT WORLD!


 

 

 

Fake Sugar and vacation countdown!

Well... this week's 'iced coffee selfie that illustrates nothing' actually does illustrate something.  Don't wear this shirt and a sports bra that smashes the boobies.  I look like a blob.

Last week I had been thinking that by this week I would not have that iced coffee in my hand and would be off artificial sweeteners.  I am not.  Not even a little.  I am trying to be more mindful about it and make a least a few choices here and there that don't involve that garbage.  I didn't have any diet soda at all yesterday,  and I drank a cup of tea with no real or fake sugar in it at all, and actually enjoyed it!

We leave on Friday for our vacation and I feel awesome that I have been able to stick to this the whole time!!  I do wish I had exercised more and was in better running shape, but, oh well... it is what it is.

The big test now is coming HOME from vacation and staying attached to this new lifestyle.  I am actually not worried about the vacation itself.  The food in Mexico is all real. actual food, and we don't eat crap down there anyway.  We DO, however, drink lots of sugary margaritas, and I have NO plans to skimp on those!  ;-)  I never gain weight on vacation though, we are SO active- walking-swimming-snorkeling-biking-hiking-ziplining-parasailing....... that it all evens out.  The tricky parts are the travel days.  I think my Cinnabon experience will help me stay on track as eating shitty food while traveling does NOT work for me, or anyone around me ;-)

Day 34- The good the bad and the ugly

Thinking I will be back to daily this week because I feel like I am faltering a bit.  And while I KNOW
and can FEEL that this is PMS related---  It appears knowing is not actually half the battle when you still stuff a pizza into your gob anyway.

New gym pants from Lane Bryant

The good:

Olive Garden dressing--- basically candy.

-On Friday I got up and went to the gym all on my own... all alone! And lifted weights like a beast!!
-Went to Olive Garden with Jessi yesterday, and while I did have some stuff I shouldn't have, a few risotto rice balls, chicken gnocchi soup, and lots of salad (you know that dressing is terrible for you, right-- it'll full of sugar!!
), I passed on breadsticks, and I stuck to one small bowl of soup-- and I didn't finish it.

Oh yeah I had a berry Sangria too ;-)  More sugar, but SO yummy!

-I got some AWESOME new gym pants from Lane Bryant. I usually only shop there for bras and undies, I have never really liked the way their clothes fit.  They were having a giant clearance and I tried them on and LOVE LOVE LOVE.  They are super flattering and stay in place when lifting and running.  WIN WIN WIN!

The bad:
-The two giant margaritas before the Brad Paisley concert.  (Please don't assume from this that I am a country music loving redneck!!!),   I have no regrets though, as we had SO MUCH FUN out and about with our friends!

-Small pizza for dinner last night.  OMG it was so good, but I really should have made a better choice.  Pizza is probably what I miss the most when I am watching carbs and none of those supposed substitutes even come close, so I don't even bother.  Pizza once a month or so is not going to kill me.   (Next month news headline: Woman Chokes and Dies on Pizza Crust)

-The gym probably isn't happening at all this weekend as we are trying to super clean the house and get errands done because we leave for our trip on Friday!

The Ugly:
Bitch please.  There is no ugly here!

 

Day 30!

Luna looks on in the kitchen as the crazy lady takes a yoga selfie

I can't believe that I am on day 30 and still going strong!  I guess since it's been a month now, I should do a little run-down of changes that I have or have not noticed.

Things that have not changed....

• I am still fat.  (I shouldn't say things like that, I know.... positive self talk... blah blah blah....)
• I still have a LOT of bags of clothes that are waiting for me to be smaller so that I can wear them.
• I cannot run 3 miles without walking at all.
• I still do not go to the gym or exercise as much as I would like to
• I still love Justin Bieber
• And One Direction.

Things that HAVE changed....

• I have LESS fat on my body.
• The button on my jeans is not standing on the ledge threatening to of jump from the pressure it's under.
• I can wear some of the clothes that I had not been wearing because they didn't fit properply.
• I can run/walk in 1 minute intervals easily for 15 minutes (and surely more than that, but that is all I have done so far)
• I feel confident in the weight room at the gym, even when Lonnie is not there with me
• I LOOK FORWARD to Sunday yoga
• I don't crave McDonald's anymore. Or cheez its.  Or sour patch kids.
• We have saved probably around $200-400 dollars this month because there is no more nightlt convenience store snack run.  When I think of the shitty food and wasted money.... I almost didn't even want to type that one out because it's embarrassing.
• Much less alcohol is being consumed.  We used to have a tradition of finding new wines to pair with our dinner on Wednesdays, and on weekends would have a couple drinks in the evening.  BUT, even if I have one glass of alcohol, I feel like a zombie in the morning and have to drag my ass out of bed, and I don't need excuses to not get up and going!!  ESPECIALLY on Sunday mornings because I want to feel good for yoga!
• My skin is better, breakouts and blemishes are basically non-existent!
• I never have "stomach issues" anymore or wake up feeling gross
• There have also been some weird changes that may or may not be related....
• I get up earlier every day
• I make my bed every day
• I have started to enjoy folding and putting away laundry and it doesn't just live in baskets anymore

WOW that is a big list of reasons to never stop living this way, and right now I honestly don't even want to stop!  I feel awesome, happy, energized, and confident!!  GO ME!!

Days 28 and 29

Need to stop this day counting thing soon, it's confusing as hell!

NO time yesterday to blog or take my weekly 'useless-does-not-illustrate-anything-at-all iced coffee selfie' ;-)  I actually got called in to work before I even got out of bed!!  I DID manage to hork down leftover chicken with guac from Sunday nights dinner though, so was able to start a crazy day off right!  It felt good to make myself a priority and not just throw everything out the window and eat shitty food because I am overwhelmed and busy.

I was on the road all day, and did not have time or inclination to pack a lunch, so when I finally had a second to breath, I ran into a grocery store deep in the woods of Greenville, Maine, picked up a cheese stick, a bag of macadamia nuts (YUM!!!  Hadn't had those in FOREVER!!!), and a yellow pepper and munched my way back to civilization.  Again.... feeling AWESOME that I am not using the hectic-ness of my job as an excuse to derail.  I even stopped at McDonald's for a sugar-free iced coffee, and didn't even think about my once-coveted "#2-cheesburgers plain!"