This Birthday girl didn't eat no cake

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar.  But not this time!  I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin'! 

I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM!  I didn't even want it.  I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it.  Yes it felt weird.  No I didn't feel like I was missing out.  Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl.  (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called 'Paleo Takeout' and I learned that there is considerable evidence that white rice is actually NOT the devil that we think it is.  And since I like that information, I am going with it!)  Starting out my 42nd year on earth in this way really feels symbolic, like this is my year. This is the year I get my shit together and shed some serious poundage.  When I finally get that exercise component into play LOOK OUT WORLD!


 

 

 

Hello? Anyone there?

Remember when I said that when coming back from vacation it would be hard to get back "on it."  Holy Shit-- has is ever!??

I'm a mess.


I can blame that I just started grad school.
I can blame that my work schedule has just changed.
I can blame... well... it's winter.... it's this... it's that..... blah blah blah

None of those excuses are actual things that have prevented me from eating well.  None of them.  What HAS prevented me from eating well.  I don't want to.  I don't feel like it. I don't want to plan.  I don't want o grocery shop

I feel gross.  I feel bloaty and fat and my clothes feel tight.  Lonnie has gained weight too, and because he only gains weight in his belly, it shows quickly and makes him feel gross.  We need to get our shit together.  ASAP.

How do you get that driven feeling back once it disappears!!??  I don't even want to grocery shop for the "good healthy foods" because well.... probably because part of me knows that I am just going to waste it and part of me knows that if I buy it, then I should get back on it and I DON'T WANNA!!

Day 34- The good the bad and the ugly

Thinking I will be back to daily this week because I feel like I am faltering a bit.  And while I KNOW
and can FEEL that this is PMS related---  It appears knowing is not actually half the battle when you still stuff a pizza into your gob anyway.

New gym pants from Lane Bryant

The good:

Olive Garden dressing--- basically candy.

-On Friday I got up and went to the gym all on my own... all alone! And lifted weights like a beast!!
-Went to Olive Garden with Jessi yesterday, and while I did have some stuff I shouldn't have, a few risotto rice balls, chicken gnocchi soup, and lots of salad (you know that dressing is terrible for you, right-- it'll full of sugar!!
), I passed on breadsticks, and I stuck to one small bowl of soup-- and I didn't finish it.

Oh yeah I had a berry Sangria too ;-)  More sugar, but SO yummy!

-I got some AWESOME new gym pants from Lane Bryant. I usually only shop there for bras and undies, I have never really liked the way their clothes fit.  They were having a giant clearance and I tried them on and LOVE LOVE LOVE.  They are super flattering and stay in place when lifting and running.  WIN WIN WIN!

The bad:
-The two giant margaritas before the Brad Paisley concert.  (Please don't assume from this that I am a country music loving redneck!!!),   I have no regrets though, as we had SO MUCH FUN out and about with our friends!

-Small pizza for dinner last night.  OMG it was so good, but I really should have made a better choice.  Pizza is probably what I miss the most when I am watching carbs and none of those supposed substitutes even come close, so I don't even bother.  Pizza once a month or so is not going to kill me.   (Next month news headline: Woman Chokes and Dies on Pizza Crust)

-The gym probably isn't happening at all this weekend as we are trying to super clean the house and get errands done because we leave for our trip on Friday!

The Ugly:
Bitch please.  There is no ugly here!

 

Days 28 and 29

Need to stop this day counting thing soon, it's confusing as hell!

NO time yesterday to blog or take my weekly 'useless-does-not-illustrate-anything-at-all iced coffee selfie' ;-)  I actually got called in to work before I even got out of bed!!  I DID manage to hork down leftover chicken with guac from Sunday nights dinner though, so was able to start a crazy day off right!  It felt good to make myself a priority and not just throw everything out the window and eat shitty food because I am overwhelmed and busy.

I was on the road all day, and did not have time or inclination to pack a lunch, so when I finally had a second to breath, I ran into a grocery store deep in the woods of Greenville, Maine, picked up a cheese stick, a bag of macadamia nuts (YUM!!!  Hadn't had those in FOREVER!!!), and a yellow pepper and munched my way back to civilization.  Again.... feeling AWESOME that I am not using the hectic-ness of my job as an excuse to derail.  I even stopped at McDonald's for a sugar-free iced coffee, and didn't even think about my once-coveted "#2-cheesburgers plain!"

Days 23 and 24

Still going string, which I honestly find rather odd.  I think retraining my brain by reminding myself that sugar is the devil is actually working.  "That Sugar Film" is really what drove this change.  And I REALLY want it to stick!  However,  after I first watched 'Supersize Me,'  I couldn't eat McDonald's for 6 months, and obviously that creeped it's way back in, and that is EASY to avoid eating.  Sugar is freaking EVERYWHERE!!

The times I falter, or waiver a bit, is when cooking for the family.  For example... Tonight I am making Pot Roast.  And on the side I am making Salt and vinegar potatoes that someone posted a few weeks ago and Lonnie and I have been obsessed with trying...but haven't because they take so freaking long to cook! 

My Pot Roast is fucking awesomesauce.  And the most awesome part IS the sauce aka gravy!  Flour is a no-no for me. But nor do I want to use weird low-carb chemically thickeners.  Also... the family will organize a revolution if I mess with one of their favorite things that I only make 2-3 times a year!!  So what should I do?  Make it anyway?  Don't use the gravy on mine?  ::::SAD FACE::::  Just have some since it's not a regular occurrence?  I................DON'T....................KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!