Is anyone out there?

If so, I have decided to merge my two blogs and won't be posting on this one anymore.  I don't think that my weight loss/healthy eating/exercise/blah blah should have it's own page seperate from my life page because it IS my life! A HUGE part of my life, actually! So....

CLICK HERE

http://colleensconstantcommentary.blogspot.com/

The Bunny Lost

Weekly coffee selfie... new diningroom location!

It was a long day but I made it through.  Lonnie and I both came close to giving in when Sean came home with so, so much candy and was like a crack dealer trying to share it with us.  But we stood strong.   I kept thinking, "Well it's not like I am not going to have sugar at some point, why not on a holiday?"  and wondering if perhaps this torturing myself was just hollowing out a hole in my brain and I am eventually just going to go batshit crazy and EAT ALL THE THINGS to attempt to fill it up.  the funny thing is, at one point Lonnie said, "Just go ahead, pick like 4 pieces and keep it to that." 

1. :::insert spoiled voice::: I don't WANT 4 stupid pieces.  I want 104.
2. I couldn't even think of which 4 I would choose, honestly, none of them appealed to me-- which told me that it wasn't really the candy itself that I wanted, it was Veruca (that spoiled little girl!), being told no and throwing a tantrum.
3. :::alert--this is the twisted one::: I spend a good part of the day bitching and pouting and threatening to eat the candy to Lonnie.  It wasn't til the evening when he caught on to my shenanigans, had had enough, and finally said, "Go ahead.  Eat whatever you want, but I am not going to." The wanting was instantly gone because I wasn't getting the negative attention from him anymore.

New Mantra:

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD!!

You're KILLIN' ME, Bunny!

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), it was not lost on me that perhaps since I know that sugar is poison and really has no place in a healthy lifestyle, that I should not feed copious amounts of it to my kids on holidays.  Particularly since my son definitely has a penchant to overdo.  We recently stopped buying cereal after numerous warnings to him about the 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar we kept catching him adding to it.  I have no illusions that at 14 years old, I am going to convince him to not eat sugar all the time.  But I CAN control what he eats at home with us!

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), I had SEVERAL moments of weakness.  The first of which was at Target when I was going to get the kids Peeps for their baskets with the sole purpose of my getting to eat some.  The Peeps stayed in the cart for about 3 minutes and then went back on the shelf.  This shit is not easy.  My brain is a battlefield of;

"Maybe just a few pieces..."  
"Maybe we should just take the weekend off and start back on Monday...." 
"Wow, some of those m&ms in the microwave would be just perfect......" 

I did not give in to the spoiled little girl inside that wants what she wants when she wants it!!!  And I won't today either. 

And WHY not?  Because I FEEL GOOD DAMNIT and I want to KEEP feeling good!

This Birthday girl didn't eat no cake

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar.  But not this time!  I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin'! 

I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM!  I didn't even want it.  I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it.  Yes it felt weird.  No I didn't feel like I was missing out.  Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl.  (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called 'Paleo Takeout' and I learned that there is considerable evidence that white rice is actually NOT the devil that we think it is.  And since I like that information, I am going with it!)  Starting out my 42nd year on earth in this way really feels symbolic, like this is my year. This is the year I get my shit together and shed some serious poundage.  When I finally get that exercise component into play LOOK OUT WORLD!


 

 

 

We're back, baby!

Haha what a terrible pic

Just wrapped up day 2 of no sugar!  It feels SO satisfying to be back on track.  We were off the rails hard, and I felt completely out of control.  Last time we did this, Lonnie was completely on board and supportive, but he struggled because he was really doing it as a 'solidarity' type of thing.  On Sunday,  he decided to watch the movie "Fed Up" and then we watched "That Sugar Film" together.  I could never convince him to watch it last time because one of his pet peeves is my love of reading articles and watching movies that result in my wanting to change our entire lives ;-) 

The two movies together were more than enough to inspire us to kick the sugar bullshit and start feeling great again!

My toughest days are Monday and Tuesday as I am busy busy busy with work, and now grad school stuff now on top of that, but I made it through like a champ with NO EXCUSES!!

Hello? Anyone there?

Remember when I said that when coming back from vacation it would be hard to get back "on it."  Holy Shit-- has is ever!??

I'm a mess.


I can blame that I just started grad school.
I can blame that my work schedule has just changed.
I can blame... well... it's winter.... it's this... it's that..... blah blah blah

None of those excuses are actual things that have prevented me from eating well.  None of them.  What HAS prevented me from eating well.  I don't want to.  I don't feel like it. I don't want to plan.  I don't want o grocery shop

I feel gross.  I feel bloaty and fat and my clothes feel tight.  Lonnie has gained weight too, and because he only gains weight in his belly, it shows quickly and makes him feel gross.  We need to get our shit together.  ASAP.

How do you get that driven feeling back once it disappears!!??  I don't even want to grocery shop for the "good healthy foods" because well.... probably because part of me knows that I am just going to waste it and part of me knows that if I buy it, then I should get back on it and I DON'T WANNA!!

HOME!

Today as I slid on my jeans for work...  I was actually planning on probably having to slide them back off again because they were too tight.   NOPE!  If anything,  they were looser!  As planned,  while in Mexico,  I ate and drank everything I wanted to.  Fortunately,  that is a LOT of great fresh Mexican food!  I never really eat junk food in Mexico because it's all just weird stuff.   Even if I am feeling snacky,  and go into a corner store,  I almost always come out empty handed because 1. I don't know what anything is and 2. None of it looks appetizing to me. 

My downfall was traveling home.  I am VERY CAREFUL about what I eat around plane trips for fear of a repeat of the puking incident,  but once we got back in Boston ...and ended up stranded there for 2 days (thank you American Airlines for losing the one bag with our car keys in it).  I must admit,  all bets were off. A combo of emotions and "let's eat all the bad stuff before getting back on it Monday, " led to a weekend of debauchery. 

• There was Pirate's Booty

• There was a mini Ben and Jerry's cookie dough cup

• There were cheez its

• There was chinese take-out

• There was Carrabas bread and lobster ravioli (with the insides squished out because it was nasty)

• There were egg Mcmuffins
• 
  And last night when we got home...  I had a "last meal" of pancakes.

My only saving grace was that it was all vending machine food,  so all small bags ;-)

Back to it today.   Fought a lot of urges to make cupcakes and eat bad food because I have a nasty cold and feel like shit.   But I didn't.  I made  delicious salad (I actually missed salad and craved it in Mexico!),  and Lonnie made a wonderful Pezole soup that was JUST what the doctor ordered for my cold.

I did have an egg Mcmuffin for breakfast because I overslept and then had to rush off to work.   But there are certainly worse things,  and I didn't let it make me think the whole day was ruined.